Saying Goodbye

Inspired by someone
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My Dad and Mom had both wished to be cremated. My plan had been to call the funeral home the moment my plane landed, arrange to pick up Dad's remains, and then to call the cemetery to arrange to have somebody meet me there. However, with government offices closed, there was a delay in getting the death certificate, which in turn meant a delay in the funeral home starting the cremation process. When I called them, they told me I would need to wait until the day after Christmas.

When I was picking up my rental car, it was sinking in that I was there to take my Dad to his resting place. I started crying. The agent, flummoxed, asked what was the matter. I told him, and he was very nice and even upgraded me four wheel drive SUV. I got a hotel room right near the airport, and hunkered down for the night. Seattle was not equipped for major, extended snowfall. There just aren't enough snow plows. Plus, they don't use salt on the streets because it's environmentally unfriendly. The main roads were good, but side roads could be awful, and most parking lots might as well have been tar pits. Drive in and you're stuck. Luckily, I managed to navigate my rented vehicle safely into a spot at the hotel.

Christmas day I took on the sad task of cleaning out Dad's room at the assisted living place. All those mementos and memories of a life. I had brought an empty suitcase, and I filled it up with photos, a box of letters, and other things. I found his old high school yearbooks, with pictures of him in his teens. I kept them all, of course. Most touching was a class project he had done when he was about 10. It was an old notebook, and on each page he had pressed in a plant or flower he had picked. He signed each page and gave the date and location. I packed that very carefully.

Once again, I found myself crying, sobbing, weeping.

Somebody there said, "What are you doing moving on Christmas?"

"I wanted to be busy today," I replied.

The next day, I went to the funeral home to get his remains. Even though it was a snowy, slushy mess, I wanted to do this with proper respect. I had bought a new black suit for the occasion. My shoes made things treacherous, but I was determined.

The guy in the funeral home came out in blue jeans and a work shirt. He saw me, and got a little embarrassed about how he was dressed, but I told him not to give it a second thought.

When he brought out my Dad's remains, I broke down and cried again.

I pulled myself together and set out on the long drive. The cemetery was way up in Port Angeles, about 125 miles away, up on the coast of the Strait of Juan de Fuca. On the drive up there, we went right past my Dad's old home where he had lived for 15 years. We went past his old favorite spots, places where he and I had spent wonderful times together. I talked to him all the way.

When we got to about three miles away from the cemetery, I started crying again. It was painful to realize that this last journey was ending. The finality of it seeped in deep down to my bones. I had to pull over, and sat crying by the side of the road. Finally, I got it together, and continued on to the cemetery. It's a beautiful place. My mom had specified, "I want a place with a beautiful view". This was the perfect place.

When I arrived, there was somebody waiting for me at the chapel. Nobody else from the family was there, and there was no service, but I said my eulogy anyway. I talked about how, when I was 12, I had found their love letters. I had opened one from Dad to Mom. The first words I had read were "It's you that I love. You! You! You!"

I said how much I missed him, but that if any thing could make me feel just a little better, it was that they were together again.

I told him that I loved him. I thanked him for being such a good father. I talked about how he believed in the goodness of the world, and of people. "The world is not a perfect place. There are disappointments, but you never stopped believing, and you always looked for the good in people. You taught me that. Thank you for that gift."

Then it was time to close and seal the urn, and to put it behind the glass with my Mom's urn.

I said a final goodbye, and drove slowly away. Buoyed ever so slightly by the fact that Dad was still with me.